I doubt it’s just me that has the most irritating, unhelpful inner monologue that witters on during the course of a run. Here’s a typical stream of consciousness (much abridged) from yesterday, which I am calling my first #recoveryrun. But more on that later…
The night before
I’ll run tomorrow.
The day of
I’ll run later.
I’ll run after breakfast.
Well, I can’t run NOW, I’ve just had breakfast.
OMG I have to go running. Let’s just put all my running clothes on.
My trainers are soooo nice. They deserve a run.
Should I put makeup on? No. Stop it.
Right. Nice, steady, slow start.
Wait, this feels fast. Oh wait, no, it’s actually astonishingly slow.
How can I have only gone half a KM?
Okay, cool, a tenth of the way there. Just ten times what I’ve just done.
I hate this so much.
So, just over a quarter. Just four times what I’ve just done.
God, why are there PEOPLE everywhere? Go AWAY.
My face is so hot, it hurts. Is it swollen? Why does it hurt?
My breathing is so weird.
Haha, when I breathe it sounds like a Taylor Swift song.
‘Cause the player’s gonna play play play play play. Oh god, shut up.
When will this start to be fun?
‘Cause the player’s gonna play play play play play…
What should I get for dinner?
Halfway! Point of no return!
I want to walk, but I WILL NOT walk!
My knees feel weird.
Every step now is a step towards home.
Why do people LIKE this?
Oh, it’s so pretty out here.
Knees. Knees. Knees.
Why didn’t I bring my headphones?
God, this is boring.
Oh this is the longest KM ever.
Every step now is a step towards h-OH SHUT UP.
My neck feels weird. Is that a running thing?
I’ll be happy when I get to KM 8
I’ll be happy when I get to KM 9
If I did this every day I’d be amazing at it. Possibly the greatest in the world.
I’ll be happy when this is over.
Cup of tea. Cup of tea. Cup of tea.
I AM A VICTORIOUS, AMAZING MACHINE. HURRAY FOR ME. I AM THE ACTUAL GREATEST.
I’M GOING TO DO THIS EVERY DAY.
Well, not ever day. BUT OFTEN.
I probably wont.