I have had enough. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I’ve been so incredibly dizzy lately that I’ve had genuine concerns that I might throw up on people under the cargo net in races. In fact, I’ve been so dizzy that I’ve not even been able to walk properly, let alone run. And enough is enough.It’s all well and good resting yourself when your body asks for it, but when your mind is ready, your body is healthy and the only thing stopping you is a crippling side effect of medication designed to help you, you end up resting for all the wrong reasons; because you feel helpless and you feel the need to give in to your diagnosis.
More and more, I’ve been blaming my tiredness, grumpiness, low mood and dizziness on a condition, but what I neglected to acknowledge is that these issues are multifactorial, and a lot of them stem from frustration and stress.
How do I stop being frustrated? I do what I want.
How do I stop the stress? I stop getting frustrated.
I have to get off the meds. I have to be okay. I have to be fit to walk, run, and hopefully race. I can’t wake up every day and have a symptom decide for me whether the day is going to be okay, or utterly shit. I need to be more than just a sick person. I want it to be the last thing people think of when they see me, and if I do this now, I’m fortunate enough to be in a position to pull it off.
So after my hospital appointment last week, I resolved to fix myself. Get physio for the niggly bits, relax my tired brain, cry out the sads and run off the frustration.
Thus, The Recovery Runs are in session. My dad (a verrrry good runner) will be pacing me and planning my routes, and my cousin Harriet is going to sort out my nutrition and strength training. This is going to be a big family effort to fix me, and one I’m so grateful for. So let’s see how these #RecoveryRuns pan out.